Losing support...

Throughout this whole period of CRC treatment, the worst problem I've had is staying focused and organized, because my ability to think straight is always the first thing to go when I have a bad day, which leads to worse. Whenever this happens, I've depended on the support of loved ones, particularly my boyfriend who would cook my meals when I was too tired, and help me get refocused on taking my treatments.

This past week, my Dad and his girlfriend, infinite sources of support to me, have moved several states away (and I'm happy for them). And now, my boyfriend has decided that our relationship doesn't work anymore, and one of us will probably be moving out. I'm heartbroken and depressed, and worried now that I won't be able to pick myself back up when I fall, or fend off the people who insist that this diet is crazy and I should've given it up by now, that I'm an obsessed hypochondriac.

Now I'm in a viscious cycle of depression leading to not taking care of myself leading to worse symptoms leading to deeper depression, and now I'm trying to fight a sinus infection before it gets bad enough to need antibiotics. I can't stand whining so much, or spreading negativity like this, but I feel lost.

Original Post
Hi Marisa,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through so much feeling of loss. I know it can be so overwhelming. I understand what it's like to not have adequate support, I have been in that boat my whole life and now have developed CFIDS (chronic fatigue immune disorder syndrome). I too don't know what I would do without my boyfriend, he is my Godsend truly and my only support. Without him I feel I would keel over for the very reasons you give and more. Please use this forum to help you, as you know the people here are supportive and loving and actually understand, so please continue to come on here and vent etc. And please don't feel bad for this (you are not whining), that's what we're here for and it can help to know you are not alone. I know it is hard to pick yourself up when you are feeling so defeated, sometimes it helps when someone else tells you how strong you are. So I will tell you: remember you are strong and you will get through this as hard as it may seem, you can do it, just don't give up and hang in there. Something I do is surround myself with positive sayings or things that inspire me and remind me of my strengths, for example, pictures, sayings, poems, colors I like etc. Anything that can help you continually plant positive in your head, this sounds silly maybe but it can work especially when you feel so down. Please hang in there I am sending you positive thoughts Marisa and please know you are not alone.

Bella hearthrob

I wish I had strengthening words of wisdom that woudl take the sting from the pain taht you are feeling right now. Losing such important supports must feel devastating. I know what it is like to be all alone and have no one to ask for help. I have often given thanks for the telephone. I'm sure your dad and his wife will be available for you by phone for listening and for helping you to strategize?

You leaned on your boyfriend as much as you needed to and I hope you don't have regrets. You have been doing the best you can at any given moment with the information and abilities that you have at that time. The forum is here for you to help you find the strength within. There are many here who can relate to a lonely struggle.

I recommend that you do your best to keep things simple and not try to manifest gourmet meals or take perfect care of every challenge in your life. Love the questions as much as the answers sought and give yourself space to feel sadness and grief. Ignatia is a homeopathic that may help to reduce the physical and emotional impact of your recent losses and look into Rescue Remedy to help you face what rough patches may lie ahead. I hope that you do not have to be the one to move under the circumstances and also that your boyfriend might be able to help you financially to cover the cost of his share of your living expensese until you get back on your feet or find a housemate to replace his contributions.

I send you calm, resourceful, energy conserving thoughts and wish you all the best. Stay in touch through and with the forum and folks will help you feel connected.

Hi Marisa--I'm sos orry to hear about your break up, and I know how difficult the road ahead seems...

When I was a year into my program, and still very sick, my husband decided he couldn't go on with me anymore (we were living on separate continents at the time because my illness kept me from finishing school and moving back to Europe with him). I felt as if my whole life had collapsed out from under me. I wanted to scream and cry and believe me I did both--and plenty of times.

It took me some months before i realized that no matter how much I'd lost, it actually didn't change the fact that I needed to get myself well and love myself enough to WANT to get well. It was a very trying time but I just kept on, more out of necessity than anything else. A year later, more and more candida free, I found myself healthy and moving on in directions I never thought I would.

Change is sometimes a blessing in this way, and I hope this change will find you healthy and strong and happy in a very short amount of time. And as Bella said--we are here, even if we can't help cook your meals for you--we're here to listen and support you...

I hope you begin to feel better very soon Marisa--we're thinking of you...

Ashley Smile
Thank you guys so much, your words are so touching! You are all such a gift, and these forums a blessing. hearthrob

I will definitely take your advice Bella, and surround myself with empowering symbols. It's a wonderful idea!

I'm not sure what will be happening yet, but I think I'll have to be the one to move. It's a stress I don't look forward to while juggling school and work, but having a smaller place would be much easier to keep up a healthy environment, with lots of plants and reminders to cook ahead of time. I'm trying to look at the positive things.

Thank you thank you thank you all for being here,
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