I am so glad I have 'met' you :0). Learning to listen to my 'weaker' self, or my body, however you want to put it, this is a huge landmark in my personal growth. I have always been wanting to do a gazillion things in life, like you said, be in control, and always be 'on top of things', but in so doing really missed 'myself' in this unbalanced approach to life. Thankfully, now instead of 'using' myself, I am learning to have compassion for myself. And you're right, there's so much peace there!
I was just doing dishes and stressing because I was doing laundry, making a late lunch, cooking, a bunch of stuff at once. There is rarely a 'perfect' moment where all is as it 'should' be...you know, "Now I'm sitting down to eat because I'm hungry (I still forget to prepare anything until I'm hungry, so by the time I eat I'm waaaaaaay hungry, and all those nice veggies I prepared don't cut it. I often try to avoid excessive amounts of protein due to teh acidity, but like I said, it takes me so long to prepare the veggie mixes that by the time I eat them I'm famished and usually eat even more protein than I would have if I'd have just started on the protein...ha,ha,ha.!)
Well, the list goes on. The voice in my head nagging me saying "You should be napping. Look at how you're dragging yourself around. The body needs rest." Yap. The body needs rest, the dishes need doing...and then there's the times when I want to nap but I lie down and realize it's so dusty and that's bad for the allergy thing. I should dust..aaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!
BUT...just before coming here to say hello, I suddenly stopped in the middle of such a barrage of thoughts and realized where all of this was really coming from in my case. It was that I had been feeling like a failure, but more than that, realized that I am not a failure. I know I have felt this way most of my life, but today I actually believed that I was alright. My stress level went way down. I realized in a deeper way again, that I can't control what my body does. I can only do my best, and the fact is, this is beyond my control. So scary to admit, but so freeing when we do, huh! When we let go of all of those unrealistic expectations we have on ourselves on our lives, there is such a sweet peace that comes! Compassion is a deep and powerful thing.
So, with all this talk of Oprah here lately, there's my light bulb moment for ya!
I LOVE what I am learning through this horrible battle with candida. Isn't it amazing how bad things can be turned around for good! I know there will likely be more lows ahead where I'll need to come here and vent or moan, but I also know, like you, and so many here, that the jewels we are gaining through surrendering to our realities and this whole process are priceless treasures which we are privileged to have recieved through these trials. There is deep and lasting change.
Tarilee, I hope you don't ever get tired of hearing us say 'thank-you'...You have paved the way for such transformation of lives here. The greatest teachers are those who have become what they teach. You are that and I so value how you relate to us all as friends on the same level. You have been such a positive influence in my life this past year, and because of you, this forum is a place where many, like me, are growing in the character that will allow us to walk in the blessing of healing, maintaining it through the awareness, peace, and self respect and love we have gained through having met ourselves in such a deep way through this valley of illness.
Someone once told me that the best fruit doesn't grow on the mountain tops but in the valley. I think he was right. I applaud you all for taking this journey, and for those of you really struggling right now, just remember that the greater the battle is, the greater the victory on the other side. Keep up the great work you guys!
Peace to you, joejoe