I hope you enjoy his caring sharing and that it may inspire you and/or your family members in a way that eases this time for you.
From: Happy Dways
I have a couple of questions:
What can I do to help her?
You are doing so much for your wife just by coming to this site!!! Thank you for caring so much and for modeling such caring support. She’s a lucky woman to be with a thoughtful man who is interested in what is happening with her.
I realize that this illness presents challenges for spouses and families too. It's a difficult illness to understand since so much of the healing approach is detective work focused at lifestyle and diet choices. Of course, the results of such detective work often seem arbitrary to others since they are so subjective and related to symptoms that are often invisible.
The broad range of symptoms involved requires methodically careful observation to decipher and it's true that it's impossible to always be right. Still self observation and, ideally, record keeping are essential to guiding diet and lifestyle modifications.
She has a lot of 'detective work' to do to sort out which components of her health require priority support and which foods and natural medicines are best suited to her fast recovery. Then she must make the effort to record her food and remedies and how she feels. On top of that is all the shopping and cooking and recipe hunting to help her follow her dietary needs (which may be very fluid as her tolerances and intolerances can change).
As you know by now, candida related complex can involve confusingly extreme immune sensitivity and discombobulating and unpredictable physical and emotional reactions that can be out of the norm for her.
In order to maintain objectivity about the emotional instability and the food cravings caused by the candida and its neuro-toxic chemical byproducts, some people find it helps to use language that remind them of the yeast as an opponent in the struggle so they don't see their own body as the opponent. However, some people, myself included, prefer to think of the yeast as part of an essential ecosystem within the body that has become imbalanced. Since the yeast is indigenous to the human body, it is just the overgrowth that is a problem.
In the case of CRC, the yeast is in higher populations than usual and the populations of beneficial microorganisms that normally keep it at bay are diminished. Rather than focus on a thought that resonates as "the enemy within", I think of the correction of body balance similarly to how I think about restoring balance to the garden soil or the conditions inside the compost bin. In both cases, certain nutrients need to be provided and certain nutrients reduced in order to support the needed balance of microorganisms.
Happy Dways, all of the combined stressors related to this illness point to the need for the same thing- support like what you want to offer her. Another really important strategy to help healing and cultivate strength, is humour. Thus, the number one thing you can try to offer your wife, is laughter and fun! Hopefully you're a jolly person who can help her laugh at even the tragic as this is the most healing gift anyone can offer us.
From Happy Dways:
Hi there. To all partners out there who don't know what to make of their spouse's condition. Thank you for taking some time to read this. This forum is a place where many people afflicted with candida find life-changing support and resources. From one partner of a spouse with CRC to another, please....I have a few things I'd like to suggest that may help you if you are vexed by this situation.
First of all, please take some time to read some of the stories here...the hard stories and the success stories. But more importantly, please take time to listen to what your partner has to say. While she is in recovery, whe will change, and it's going to seem like another form of PMS at times, and it can make you forget that she's still in there somewhere. She is still in there and she is fighting a daily battle against something that has overpowered her body and normal body and hormonal chemistry and has forced major changes on her.
It is not easy for anyone. Period. It's not about us losing something, but about us walking with her "in sickness and in health". Because much of the medical community is not too keen on seeing candida and diagnosing it, because drugs don't work that well with it (side effects not worth the trouble, and not so effective as a full treatment and changing eating habits), it does not mean your wife is doing it wrong.
If our partners could choose their illness, I dare say they would choose something else! But they HAVE chosen us as spouses. Life is hard and complicated at times, so we need to give up a few things too in order to help our loved one. Our lifestyle can change to accommodate their healing. It's not the end of the world. It's about give and take. Little changes can seem big after years of routine living, but they truly aren't... The battle I SEE my wife doing is just the tip of the iceberg.
She fights things in a deeper way than I could ever be aware of. And it often touches her own value as a person, feeling helpless and a burden, depression, fatigue, having to run uphill the deluge of temptations to give up and feed what's destroying her body, damaged self-worth, guilt regarding the money issue because she has to buy fresh food and often to keep it fresh and it costs more money, lack of energy for stuff beside catering to the diet.
I hope and pray that all partners out there will join together with the intent to support their loved ones and help out as best they can. Support is 50% of recovery. Any former substance abuser or person dealing with addiction will tell you that much. The prospect of losing us is not an illusion for these women, it's a real fear, and for some, SADLY, it has already happened.
Men especially, I have to speak my mind: if you can't handle it, find help to sort through the issues you are facing too. Because candida wants more than your wife's body. Fights over this whole treatment season might very well happen. But reconciliation is a key. Look at it this way: this is a condition that is just starting to be recognized by a portion of the medical community. Many doctors don't even have a clue and blame the condition on something THEY know, which invariably demands medication, sometimes with weird and damaging side-effects. Do you want your wife to be a guinea pig for their ignorance?
Would you want your car fixed by a guy who doesn't really hear the noise you heard but still makes repairs around it to "try" to fix it? And you have to leave the car there, wait a few days, pay the money and get the car back with the problem showing up again. How many times would you go through that? All I'm saying is this is serious stuff.
My wife is a great person who's value is shown full blown in how she's handling herself in this trial. And I hope I am joining her in becoming a better person. Just remember that love is the key.
Next message from Happy Dways:
Thank-you Dear fellow sojourners, Thank you for your kind words. I have learned so much from those trials that I don't know if I shouldn't "bless" them... Lately has been another rough season for us and although there has been some set-backs, we were finally able to place them in the light of lessons. They have helped anchor my wife's resolves and actually given her body the experience of the goodness of proper treatment and proper dieting. Not easy. But now she knows what she wants and why.
Grace and mercy toward oneself, coupled with discipline and her faith, has helped her soar as never before. Of course, it takes little things at times and she's back in momentary despair and the die-off takes its toll. But all in all, she proves the diet right for her right now. I'm stumbling all over at times and don't "get it" quick enough where she's at that, and it takes some good working through conversations and soul-searching, but I am learning to see this as what loves requires. And it helps greatly in those rough times.
Love, always come back to love. Give each day a chance to be the one that will bring the miracle. For much is stored in the body that we know nothing of. And being sick sometimes is but a symptom of a deeper wound. I had a vision of her and could see her wounds, and she was hiding them, in shame. And I, was gently trying to tell her, I needed to have access to her wounds so I could softly kiss them, and tell her that these were also who she is, and that I needed to embrace that part of her as well.
Shame should have no room... The natural speaks of the spiritual, and I think the purge of toxic stuff in the body can often be accompanied by acting out of buried emotions, unresolved traumas, etc. If this is the way life has arranged for these things to surface, I think we should pay attention to the body as well as beyond it. There might be issues of bitterness and unforgiveness, anger to be released. That's why it is so important that partners stick together through this season.
It could prove to be very rewarding in the long run. Not easy of course, and I know it first hand. But when I become participant of my wife's healing, I also benefit from it in many ways. Because, I too need to face up to some issues of the heart and soul that are unresolved...
What love requires...
What vows have spawned
Lift us higher
Where trials are crowns.
Between us both the deepest bond will be assailed
Between us both we'll stand stronger
And will prevail.
May you all receive blessings upon blessings today, and may healing wash over you all with waves of race...